My elegant and always beautiful mother got on my case today for being redundant (which is a plight worse than death to a connoisseur of words). Apparently I’ve been using the word “crap” too much as of late –which is sort of funny because it’s not even the word I want to use.
“Crap” is an interim word –my Nicorette alternative to the real bad word which got me into hot water with the religious right who think I should be excommunicated for swearing.
So, I’m in this wishy-washy wasteland of trying to clean up my potty mouth and it’s not a pretty place to be. There aren’t that many words to describe my angst and sometimes the perfect word is a bad word and all I have to replace it is –the stupid “C” word. Oh, man there it again.
Source: work.failblog.org via Jean on Pinterest
I’ve therefore decided to do some alternative bad word research and compile the greatest list known to mankind. (Parents: This is a PG-13 Rated List for slightly disturbing animal references and words that sound bad but aren’t)
Sam’s Not So Bad Word List
- Cursed Monkey Parts
- “Fargin Bastiges” (from Johnny Dangerously)
- Jack Wagon (one of my personal favorites)
- Crike
- Shazbot
- Son of a Biscuit
- Jiminy Hee Haw
- Shut the Front Door!
- Cheese and Rice
- What the Fish?
- “F,” or “eff”
- Pickle you Kumquat
- You IceHole!
- Drat
- Nuts
- Fark
- Sufferin Sucatash (Bugs Bunny)
- Ai Caramba/ Ai Chihuahua
- Son of Batches
- Blasted Tarnation
- Putain
- Mofakka
- Peanut Butter Bone Head (my personal creation)
- Blankhole
- Motherblanker
- “Oh Kelly Clarkson” (from 40 Year-old Virgin)
- arugula
- “faaaaaaaaaa”
- Poop on a Stick
- “inbreeders”
- shiitake mushrooms
- Dag gum it
- Bugger
- Badwordbadwordbadword
- Poo
- Jiminy Crickets
- William Shatner
- Rat Bastard
- Abominable Puss-Bucket
- Duck Sticker
- Cockadoodie used by the malevolent Annie Wilkes as an alternative for cursing in Stephen King’s novel Misery
- Catastrophuck A situation (i.e. a poorly planned, under-manned, under-equipped, mismanaged war) that reaches a point of horrific disarray. — from “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” (10/3/06)
- You “Lando” (meaning “sell out” from Empire Strikes Back)
- Jinkies (Scooby Doo)
- Leaf Licker (Land Before Time)
- Mary-Jane rotten-crotch – from R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket (my husband thinks this line is hilarious but it’s borderline gross)
- Uranus (love this!!!!)
- Nutsucker (a baby squirrel)
- Sugar Honey Iced Tea – from the movie Madagascar. An acronym of the dreaded “S” word.
- Wrinklies – refers to…well, umm, the lower man parts –from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, episode School Hard.
Now I have no excuse mom, because I can use one of these fine descriptive words. The “C” word is OFFICIALLY retired!
6 comments
the Blah Blah Blahger
December 27, 2011 at 10:08 am (UTC -7)
Bah ha…I need to implement this list, too! ; )
Sam
December 27, 2011 at 10:26 am (UTC -7)
I used “What the fish?” this morning…it rolled off pretty easy!
Ross
December 28, 2011 at 8:41 pm (UTC -7)
What a fantastic site you have, as I’m reading it for the first time tonight. I look forward to coming back soon to read more.
Sam
December 29, 2011 at 8:57 am (UTC -7)
Hi Ross,
Thanks! I checked out your site this morning and it was great. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I appreciate your insight. Hopefully, I’ll make you laugh a little and your blog can give me some beautiful perspective. Happy New Year!
Sam
Karyn
December 29, 2011 at 4:38 pm (UTC -7)
The “c” word is my go to word also. Thanks for the wonderful alternatives!
Sam
January 6, 2012 at 11:46 am (UTC -7)
I’m really getting into “Arugala” and “Shut the front door.” I like “You icehole” too! Good luck!!!