What the Rhema?
They call it Rhema—those really bizarre tingles down your spine you get when you go to church and it’s like the pastor is speaking directly to you.
You look around, casually wiping the sweat from your brow and mildly freak out. Seriously, did the dude read your journal? Does everyone know this is your message?
No…they don’t.
But it’s a real thing—a God thing.
It’s Rhema. When the spoken word of God penetrates into your soul and moves stuff around in you uncomfortably.
You get convicted. Inspired. Repentent,
Rhema.
And Rhema happened this week to me.
The sermon was on judgment and forgiveness.
Oh, wait my favorite topic. Not.
Un-forgive-ness
It coincides with an occurrence in my life where I’ve been asked to forgive something big–a debt incurred against me of a large magnitude.
Did I say it was big? Yeah. BIG.
And I’m sorry I can’t be clearer. I really hate it when people are vague, but to protect those I love, I’m asking for grace on this part.
Anyway, I alone can forgive this penalty.
Hot tears of sadness fell from my eyes when I was asked for mercy—because the truth is I want a little vengeance or at the very least control of the situation.
“Are you freaking kidding me?” I thought.
Flashes of hurt washed over me. I considered the fear, the uncertainty and the overwhelming burden I carried for years regarding this matter.
And a part of me revels in the fact that the consequence for this sin is too big to ever repay.
Too bad sucka… you messed with the wrong girl.
I sit in church on Sunday. I’m not even at my church; I’m at a different one. It’s like God is following me.
Forgiveness. Judgement. Hello Sam?
Na, na, na, na na…I can’t hear you Jesus. Not listening.
And then God whispers, will you forgive this person like I forgive you?
More tears.
No God…it’s too much.
And then I think of MY too much.
How much I’ve been granted mercy. Not once, not twice but seventy-times seven.
God promises to forgive my past, present and future sin. I’m covered for the crummy stuff I will say tomorrow (which I inevitably will) and the hurt I will cause to others because I’m human and fantastically flawed.
What about my debt to God and others that is big to ever repay?
Letting Go
My husband shared a true story with me not too long ago about a guy he knows.
Let’s call him Todd—truthfully I don’t even remember his real name and Todd if I’ve jacked up your story, please forgive me. It’s an analogy based on truth. Don’t judge me buddy.
Todd was difficult at best. He struggled to maintain relationships. He had a harsh and brittle spirit, was generally demanding and rather unpleasant to be around.
Ever heard of that saying—hurt people hurt people?
Well, at some point, Todd got hurt and everyone else was going to pay for it.
Todd, like many of us, internalized his pain and unforgiveness and became a bitter hard shell of the person God created him to be.
One day Todd was struck down by a widow-maker heart attack. For a short period of time Todd was clinically dead.
During the time of his non-responsiveness Todd recalls he was lifted up to heaven and then straight out of the pit of hell a chain came flying up and wrapped around his ankle pulling him down. He heard a voice say, “You do not offer the forgiveness I’ve shared with you.” God identified individuals that he had not forgiven throughout his life.
And Todd cried and begged for a second chance.
Todd woke up from his unconscious state after a quadruple bypass surgery and turned his life into a radical testimony of grace and forgiveness. He went to each person and exacted forgiveness to each one, releasing his bitterness. My husband says his personality is now radiant, like pure sunshine. Todd has transformed into a loving, warm and caring person. Todd chose to allow forgiveness to transform his life and he gives all the glory to God.
I imagine the next time Todd dies—the flight up will be easier.
I thought deeply about Todd’s story this week.
I want to be like Todd. And hopefully, I won’t have to have a near-death experience to understand this radical type of forgiveness, but I do believe I will have to spiritually die to self—once again.
(Oh Whoop-de doo! Does this Christian thing ever get easier?)
I use the mental imagery I read about in a book on controlling anxiety.
I imagine myself walking up to a waterfall with a heavy bag of burdens. They are like boulders I carry around. I pry open the sack and pull out self-righteousness, then hold it out onto the streaming water and let it wash away. I hold out vengeance, then anger and bitterness. And I drop them one by one into the raging waters.
I leave it all in the waters of the spirit in a symbolic language of release and redemption.
And the hurt washes away in the waters as I am stretched…open…wide. Ravaged by my own indebtedness to my Savior and convicted of my own sin.
How can I not let go of this debt? How can I truly follow Christ if I am not willing to extend the mercy given to me?
It’s the Lenton season. Will you join me in ridding your heart of unforgiveness? I can’t think of anything more important than this one thing holding us back from living abundant and joy filled lives.
I know it’s hard. And I am in this with you. We get hurt and we hold onto the pain tightly like a prize to validate our identity—but God has a better way.
The truth is forgiveness sets me (and you) free—not the one who hurt us.
–Sam
Will you pray for me this week? My darling husband Tim is having spine surgery on Wed the 25th of Feb. Please lift him up!
And please let me know how I can pray for you?
Matthew 6:14-15New International Version (NIV)
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
