Biological Warfare and Snotty Noses

The Devil Wears Prada (film)

Image via Wikipedia

I am sick.  Snotty, green-nosed, hack up a lung sick. It’s a genuine mystery, how feeling like crap permeates every neuron of the body, particularly the brain cells, which I am pretty sure have started to atrophy.

I reach for a thought, strain to think and…nothing happens.  The synapses have lost their connectivity to a viral influenza blocker.  I think I can make a case for another conspiracy theory-biological warfare is at hand!

Wikipedia, my favorite source of mostly true information, defines this germ warfare as the deliberate use of disease causing biological agents such as protozoa, fungi, bacteria, protists, or viruses, that kill and incapacitate humans.  Biological weapons (often referred to as bioweapons) are living organisms or replicating entities (virus) that reproduce or replicate within their host victims.

This is high–tech warfare masquerading as sneezes, a strategic malaise allowing the perpetrator to gain a tactical advantage over their adversary. 

And I am pretty sure I know the little terrorist who got me sick.  My neighbor’s daughter, a bouncing baby girl about ten months old had all the signs of mal-intent.  The green nose, the distinct seal bark cough, watery eyes, and a grumpy demeanor. 

The baby infiltrator grabbed my own tot’s toys and polluted them.  It was stealth-like and swift.  Within forty-eight hours, my baby showed signs of infection, and a few days later the whole house has been taken out.

So here I am, left to wither and decay on the sofa…watching chick movies and scarfing down Dayquil and Robitussin. 

If other countries are out to get us, each time another family goes down, annihilated by germs and misery, than they have succeeded in making us a tad more lethargic and stupid.  If you multiple my lazy and weakened state, you have a whole country of sick idiots watching The Devil Wears Prada and Legally Blonde Part II, instead of being productive and contributing members of society.

If I get any brain function back soon…I will begin the search for real answers to what could become a national pandemic.  But until then, I think I saw a rerun of When Harry Met Sally on TBN that might just be the best medicine of all.


I was a journalism major in college, and then a theatre major, moved to political science, and  finally graduated with a degree in history.  My BA should have an MA in ADD.  Summing up all my skills, I think this qualifies me to write a little about a lot or maybe a lot of nonsense.  I found out the other day nonsense is actually a language and you don’t need Rosetta Stone to become proficient at it.  My daughter and her friend were in the back of the car arguing about whether it was a real language or not.  So we looked it up on  Wikipedia.  Turns out my daughter was right.  Nonsense is  real as much as reality sometimes seems like nonsense.

Nonsense is a verbal communication or written text that is spoken or written in a human language or other symbolic system but lacks any coherent meaning. Many poets, novelists and songwriters have used nonsense in their works, often creating entire works using it.

An example of nonsense: when you are just on the verge of falling asleep and you say random things to your spouse with absolutely no context for the current conversation. Our subconscious mind on the edge of slumber can turn the most articulate person into a babbling fool.  Oh, if only we had tape recorders in those moments. I love it when my husband snuggles into the pillow, then blurts out, “What did the guy in green the car say?”

I think he said, “You’re out of gas, Mr. Over-tired!”

Literary nonsense takes it one step further and for a writer is a cornucopia of delicious words to play with.  In its essence, literary nonsense is contradiction using correct grammar that results in any lack of meaning. The saying, “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously”  penned by Noam Chomsky is an example of nonsense.

So in honor of fall, autumn and the pure love of spooky words , here is a stab at some Jabberwocky(a poem of nonsense).

The jack-o-lanterns menacing grin lulled the small child into a state of tranquility.

The sweet comfort of terror filling the night with peace.

Snickers and candy corn creating a cacophony of song

And blackest  midnight dancing a jig with dawn.

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