A friend called the other day as I wolfed down a salad with my hubby at a nearby restaurant. In between bites, I listened to his sorry tale of a date gone AWKWARD.
And as Tim and I laughed with (and at) our friend’s awful tale, I remembered how hard it is to date and how Really hard it is to find good prospects.
As my friend described his date, I heard him say over and over, “but she’s so pretty,” as if it were an excuse for her rotten behavior.
I heard the longing in his heart for a real relationship but I couldn’t overlook the tacky elephant in the room despite how totally gorgeous the elephant was.
So here is how it went down: Our buddy invites a “hot” woman to coffee. At some point on the way to the first meet-up, the woman texts him and switches the location to a fine dining establishment. She then proceeds to order filet mignon, a huge beer which she guzzles down, burps and then hands him the bill.
In my book, that type of behavior is just plain old rude.
But in my friend’s mind he excused her bad behavior because of her beauty.
Because her beauty fed his need for validation as a man.
(And maybe it also gives him good material for his schtick)
So where do we look to for our self-worth?
Is it outside of us (the world) or inside?
And when is enough ever enough?
Now my friend is a very smart and ridiculously talented guy. He works in the entertainment industry but lives within a modest income so he can give back to the community. He is secretly one of the more philanthropic people I know and spends hours upon hours every week helping the poor and needy. His heart is pure gold—and despite his penchant for pretty women who treat him badly, he is a real catch.
But his fatal flaw is a broken picker based on a broken self-worth.
He picks beautiful mean women.
And he knows better. But he justifies.
Because in his eyes pretty covers a multitude of sins.
Let me state the obvious–beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes down deep to the bone.
Big boobs have no connection to a big heart. Just saying.
This chick was bone ugly—let’s call her BUGLY. And BUGLY exploits her beauty to use men.
BUGLY is not what a good man needs. He might think he wants it—like junk food, or a 12 pack or a binge on porn…but in the end it leaves a huge gaping void.
We feel depleted, missing something…sad. What should have made us feel good made us feel worse the day after.
When she doesn’t text you back. When she only calls because she’s hungry or has nothing better to do.
Anytime we look to outward things—materialism, image, power—to find our identity, we miss out on the intangible things our hearts truly crave—love and relationship.
God alone determines our self-worth. We are image bearers of the King, fully loved, and fully accepted despite our brokenness. We don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
Let others play this stupid game. No one ever wins. All the toys and egos go back in the box when the game is over.
No hot chick, hook-up, affair, rich man, big house, power job or perfect children will satisfy this void in our heart.
We can look our entire lives for the elusive something to fill the gaping hole in our heart s—a hole that God designed specifically to draw us close to him.
In the absence of relationship we turn to things to fill the gap.
But things only leave us wanting more and more.
I reckon someday my friend will get fed up of dating b-yatches and cry uncle to Jesus.
He’ll say, “God you take the wheel and bring me your woman.”
And then he will sit down with an attractive woman who doesn’t meet the world’s standards of beauty but has a light all her own. She will order a cup of coffee and that’s it. Period.
And she will dazzle him with her character and humor, integrity and kindness.
And suddenly he will find out what real beauty is—God working through ordinary relationship making the simple moments of life extraordinary.
*I know there are conventionally beautiful and “hot” women out there that are amazing AND kind. I am blessed to know plenty of them! I’m merely addressing the mean girls who use their super-powers to dupe men.