aka: Let’s all take several seats and check our sources, shall we?

We love a little tea, don’t we? Something about being “in the know” feels like power wrapped in connection. And when someone hurts you—or someone you love—the urge to pour yourself a hot cup of righteous indignation and serve it to a few close friends (or your entire group chat) can feel almost… spiritual.

But here’s the thing about tea: if it’s brewed in bitterness, it burns everyone who drinks it. Even the one holding the kettle.

Lately, I’ve found myself standing in the fallout zone of some false narratives. Not your run-of-the-mill misunderstandings, but full-blown fiction with just enough facts sprinkled in to sound convincing. The kind of storytelling that edits out key details, slaps a bow on the pain, and passes it around like a plate of gluten-free cookies—looks wholesome, but leaves you queasy.

And the damage? It’s not theoretical. It’s personal. It hurts people I love. It splits families. It hardens hearts.

They say “hurt people hurt people”—and yes, that’s often true. But here’s what we forget: hurt doesn’t equal honesty. Sometimes pain distorts. And when distorted pain becomes a viral narrative, it can quietly destroy the reputation of someone who did nothing wrong. Or, at the very least, nothing that warranted public stoning via passive-aggressive status updates.

And then social media? Oh, it tosses gas on the whole situation.

We scroll past a photo or read a vague post and suddenly think we’re Nancy Drew with a moral compass. “I saw that one photo. She didn’t even smile. Something’s definitely going on.”

Really?
Do we know the heart? The history? The conversation that happened before or after that post?
Probably not.

And that’s where the Holy Spirit—who thankfully doesn’t need a Wi-Fi signal—whispers:

“That’s not your business.”

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🍵 The Problem With “Just Talking About It”

Let’s get into it. The Bible doesn’t leave a lot of gray area on gossip. It’s never labeled as a personality quirk or a coping mechanism. It’s destructive.

“The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.”
— Proverbs 18:8

Translation? Gossip sticks. It’s the bad glitter of human behavior—it goes places it shouldn’t and is almost impossible to clean up.

Even when we think we’re just processing…
Even when we slap a “bless her heart” on the end of the sentence to soften the blow…
Even when we start with, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but—” (Girl. If you’re saying that? You definitely shouldn’t say it.)

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🙊 Why We Gossip (Even When We Know Better)

Spoiler: it’s not because we’re mean. We gossip because:

• We want to be included
• We want to protect someone we care about
• We want to feel morally superior (ouch)
• We’re hurt—and we want that pain to feel justified

The tricky part? It’s all very relatable.
The dangerous part? It’s all very flesh-driven.

When we repeat something that doesn’t belong to us—especially if it subtly (or not-so-subtly) tears someone down—we stop being peacemakers and start being spiritual pot-stirrers. And nobody needs more of those.

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🕊️ The Better Way

Jesus never said, “By this everyone will know you’re mine—by how eloquently you take people down in the comments section.”

He said we’d be known by our love.

Love holds its tongue.
Love double-checks the facts.
Love refuses to write people off based on curated half-truths and relational cliff notes.
Love might want to vent, but love also wants to obey.

And yes—it’s hard. But so is cleaning up the aftermath of words we can’t take back.

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🙏 A Prayer for Day 1

Lord, I want to be a woman who speaks life, not suspicion.
When I’m tempted to repeat something that isn’t mine to share, stop me mid-sentence—preferably before I hit “send.”
When I feel justified in taking verbal aim at someone else’s character, remind me of how You covered mine.
Heal the places in me that need validation more than transformation.
And give me the wisdom to know when silence is not weakness—but worship.
Amen.

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💡 Reflect & Reset

• Have I ever believed or repeated a story that turned out to be distorted—or one-sided?
• Have I been misrepresented? How did it feel?
• What might shift in me if I paused before every comment, post, or share and asked: “Does this build, or does this burn?”

I was 26 years old, sitting in a young mother’s group called MOPS when I first heard a speaker utter these startling words:

Your feelings are not the truth.

Wait, WHAT?

Fresh out of college and my first pregnancy, where much of my entire existence relied upon feelings, this truth was unsettling.

If I felt like eating a pickle and a block of sharp cheddar cheese, dang it, I did. If I felt like a midnight Del Taco run, we got in the car and soon a burrito with Del Scorcher was entering my mouth. If I felt morose, I watched Independence Day and bawled my brains out as the aliens took over the earth. But more importantly, if I felt like someone was mad at me or distant or snotty, I experienced a weighty sadness in my spirit and avoided them—even if the distance was not real, but simply a narrative I created in my head.

Feelings often ruled my relational decision-making. Stories I told myself. I lived in my head as most introverts do. And while we are intensely reflective, we can also be avoidant.

Obviously, I was disciplined enough to understand that I had to go to work and school and study, even when I didn’t feel like it. I grasped that my duties as a new mom were sacrificial and endless, and the baby couldn’t care less whether I felt like changing his poopy little butt. I worked hard in life and put in the reps on the daily, but when it came to relationships—my feelings still ruled the day. I might hide those feelings, often stuff them or deny them, but eventually, those sneaky little suckers showed their true colors.

Often to my own detriment. I broke out in shingles at the tender old age of 28.

That day at MOPS when I got smacked with the truth was the beginning of a long journey as I began to observe my thoughts and feelings (and try not to judge them) but not necessarily let them steer the ship either.

They became more of a thermometer.

Ooohh…it’s heating up. Time for a mommy time out.

Oh boy, daddy is pissed and the air is flat-out frigid. {Insert boundary}

One of my favorite lines these days to soothe my anxiously attached heart is “show me the evidence.”

For the feelings addict, taking a step back and putting on the Nancy Drew cap can mean the difference between understanding someone’s intentions or living in the land of annoyed and misunderstood.

“You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.” – Eckhart Tolle

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Overcoming Feelings and Anxious Thoughts: A Scripture-Based Plan

Feelings can be powerful, often pulling us into a spiral of anxiety or fear. While emotions are real and worth acknowledging, they do not always reflect the truth. As believers, we are called to measure our feelings against the unchanging truth of God’s Word. Here’s a plan to combat anxious thoughts and align our feelings with the truth of Scripture.

And yes, I’m still working it. 26 years later I still wake up every morning and hit my knees– taking my overly empathic, people pleasing heart to the Savior, pleading for his eyes to see the truth and the wisdom to act on it.

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1. Observe and Evaluate Your Feelings The first step is to pause and acknowledge your emotions without letting them take over. Ask yourself: What am I feeling, and why am I feeling it? Then, test those feelings against evidence and truth. The Bible reminds us:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, NIV)

It’s no surprise that our hearts can be deceived and triggered based on past trauma. If you’ve watched The Real Housewives you know this to be true. How much drama could be alleviated if there was more understanding and maybe less tequila?

What we need when the panic hits or the chest tightens is to stop, breathe, maybe cry if you need a moment, but get clarity. When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to ask, What is the truth?

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2. Replace Lies with Truth Feelings often stem from narratives we create, which may not align with reality. Combat these lies by identifying them and replacing them with God’s truth. For instance, if you feel unloved, remind yourself of Romans 8:38-39:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39, NIV)

Speak these truths over and over and yourself to dismantle the lies that anxious thoughts try to enforce.

My new favorite thing is listening to guided Christian gratitude mediations on YouTube while I’m getting dressed. Love, love love!

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3. Ask for Evidence When anxious thoughts arise, pause and ask: Where is the evidence? Are your fears based on facts or assumptions? Philippians 4:8 provides a practical filter for our thoughts:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8, NIV)

Redirect your mind to focus on what is true and grounded in reality, rather than the “what-ifs” that fuel anxiety.

Man, I can what-if so hard. Sometimes, I just need to look at the facts and get curious.

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4. Take Your Thoughts Captive Feelings may come uninvited, but we have the authority to manage them through Christ. Scripture tells us to take every thought captive:

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV)

When I first started doing this it felt like a game of ping pong. Or windshield wipers tossing snow off the dash. A thought would pop in my head and then I would bat it away.

When anxious or negative thoughts invade, confront them with the Word of God. Remind yourself of God’s promises, such as Isaiah 41:10: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

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5. Pray and Seek God’s Peace Prayer is essential when battling overwhelming feelings. Bring your emotions to God, trusting Him to provide clarity and peace. Philippians 4:6-7 always encourages me:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV)

Pray specifically about your emotions and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you toward truth and wisdom.

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6. Anchor Yourself in God’s Sovereignty Anxious feelings often arise when we feel out of control. Remind yourself that God is sovereign and trustworthy:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

I often mimic the words of the father of the boy with the evil spirit that Jesus cast out. “I do believe. Help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

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7. Build a Support System Don’t walk this journey alone. Share your struggles with trusted friends or mentors who can speak truth into your life. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 emphasizes the importance of community:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NIV)

A supportive community or a good pal can help you stay grounded and remind you of God’s faithfulness when feelings become overwhelming.

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Overcoming anxious thoughts and feelings requires intentionality and reliance on God’s truth. By observing your emotions, replacing lies with evidence and Scripture, and trusting in God’s sovereignty, you can find peace even in the midst of challenges. Remember Isaiah 26:3:

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3, NIV)

Feelings may ebb and flow, but God’s truth remains constant. Cling to it.

-Sam

The church can be a hard place to walk into under any circumstance.

It’s vulnerable, we feel judged, and there is something about coming face to face with Jesus that undoes people.

But walking into church takes on a whole new meaning after you divorce a pastor.

It doesn’t mean I haven’t attended for the last few years, I simply went to a different place to worship. That is, until recently, when my best friend begged me to join her Bible Study at my old church. She and her husband were leading a group this fall and she invited my boyfriend and me to join them.

My first thought was “hell no.” I’m not walking in there. I didn’t want to deal with the pain or the memories I’ve been working so hard to process through and let go. Even though the relationship I’m in now had nothing to do with my old life, assumptions and gossip have a life of their own.

But my friend and her husband are nothing if not persistent. I spent some time chewing on it and decided that at this point in my life, does it matter? What’s important here? And I was convicted to be brave. Even though I’ve done this particular study nine times, usually as the group leader, I knew my boyfriend would love it and I deeply missed community from church post-Covid.

So we showed up. The first night I got many strange looks, some big hugs, and some eyes averted. I was terrified and fragile; the shaking in my boots kind of nervous. It certainly didn’t feel like a safe place when you are on trial for a crime that from your perspective is self-defense.

One person told me that I was welcome despite my sin. Ouch! Doesn’t that go for all of us? And since when is blanket judgment without understanding both sides of the story not a sin too?

My group, in all honesty, has been lovely. They are the most beautiful people and I’m so glad we’ve experienced life with them. I’ve prayed and served side by side with them. I’ve shared my heart and heard their stories. We’ve encouraged, mourned with, and edified one other. And this is why I came, even though it was intimidating. When we drop the pious act, the Christian community is one of the most accepting and loving places you can find. My spirit craves this.

But showing up on a Sunday was a different kind of scary than a mid-week study. Some people only knew I left my husband. And in the church, women are crucified when they leave. It doesn’t seem to matter what the reason is and that blows my mind.

I walked in last Sunday with my boyfriend and his daughter. My own little girl was at her dad’s that weekend. We sat down and then it started. A woman three rows up, who use to be a friend, started in on the nasty looks. Not once has she ever asked me what happened. One side of the story is never a clear picture of reality. And what happens at home is not always the image people portray-especially in ministry.

When we got in the car I asked my boyfriend’s daughter what she thought of this church versus the one we usually attend. She mentioned the woman throwing her nasty looks and how off putting it was.

That made me sad. I love this place. I helped start this church. My kids and I sacrificed so much on this journey and when I look around and see all the people praising God I am overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, there is both ugliness and beauty in people but when the ugly comes out straight from the get-go, you never get to the good part.

Someday we are all going to stand before God. I will stand in judgment for my sin and so will you. But the stone-throwing when someone is simply trying to spend time with the Lord grieves me. And it should grieve you too. The church needs to be the one place in the world you can come just as you are.

broken. wounded. a sinner. a saint…and everything in between.

None of us are perfect. Not even close. So why do we judge when we see only a slice of a story?

I love the church and I believe it’s the hope of the world. But it’s certainly more a hospital of broken people than a sanctuary for the holy.

So please, do me a favor, the next time you are in church and you see someone who is new, or back from a prodigal journey, or smelly or dirty or whatever…

Just smile at them.

I know Jesus will be running towards them with open arms and preparing a feast. So let’s try not to be the party pooper.

-Sam

They say a woman’s greatest basic need is security. We ladies like to know the bills will be paid, there’s a roof over our head and if we are infirmed–someone will, at the very least care for the kids.

But what happens when a woman jumps ship?

Voluntarily throws herself off the boat and swims for the shore. Knowing full well the waters are dangerous and possibly shark infested, but feeling like if she stays on the boat any longer she’ll drown anyway?

When I got divorced, one of my greatest fears was financial.

I pictured myself in a crappy apartment, old and alone, surviving on spam and bankrupt social security. Yeah…I went there.

Could I make it on my own? Was I enough…alone? I was employed, yes, but could I really make it? Could I thrive?

These were big scary questions that didn’t have easy answers.

But stepping into a new story rarely let’s you skip to the last page.

It does however remind you that you are braver than you think. And moving out of an unhealthy situation was a small act of courage that prompted me to ask another big question.

Did I have what it takes to start my own business?

I mean the timing was absolute shit. It was Spring 2020. In the midst of the Great Covid–full of masks, paranoia and lockdown. Yet that still small voice said, “It’s now or never girlfriend!”

I made lists of all the reasons it was a bad idea. I lovingly gazed at my hard-earned savings account and I wrestled with God each day.

And then I let it all go and jumped ship once again.

This time I hit the water running as a single mom with two kids in college, and one still in elementary private school. With high tuitions looming, dance bills and horse lessons taunting me the whole way.

I was scared, terrified really, but determined to try something big and crazy.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

I battled self-doubt, certainly, but it was time to kick that junk to the curb.

I had lies to overcome and a chip on my shoulder just big enough to light a fire under my ass and propel me forward.

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A few months ago, my little Kolby competed in a dance competition with her solo lyrical performance. The award ceremony was on Zoom. We curled up in front of the computer on a Sunday night to hear the results and how her studio fared.

One by one, they called off all the junior level girls she dances with. But Kolby’s name was not in the ranking or even mentioned.

Crickets.

And she was devastated. She curled up in my arms and cried her heart out. Kolby had certainly danced well. She left it all on the table. But in that moment, she thought no one noticed.

It was crushing.

Kolby’s phone buzzed with non-stop texts from her excited friends. I wanted to fling it across the room for tormenting us. I held my little girl as her body heaved with sadness and those feelings we all battle every day, “Am I enough?”

I whispered to her over and over the truth of her worth.

And then in an instant everything changed. Her name was called. They had moved her up into an older division. She placed in the overalls against more advanced dancers. What?

Her tears of distraught turned to elation, joyful hiccups and relief.

Maybe she was “enough.”

We’ve had so many conversations about this pivitol moment. Because in all truth, nothing was different about her performance. Abolutely NOTHING!

But it was the way she perceived it. Am I a winner or a loser? Do I have what it takes to make it on my own? Will my hard work pay off?

Yes…my darling child it will. You are enough. In God’s sight. In my eyes. YOU ARE ENOUGH!

And even if it doesn’t pan out with an award, you still win because you danced your heart out baby!

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Thirteen months ago I started my marketing agency on the side. I hustled my ass off and began to build a business while still working my old job. I worked non-stop. Then seven months ago I went full time. Eighteen clients later I have now replaced my income, have a small team and no longer live in the terror of that question haunting me.

It’s the same old me looking back in the mirror, but I know… that I know… that I know…that I can take care of myself this time around. Only my PERCEPTION CHANGED!

I did the work. I believed in what I was doing even on the toughest days. I pushed through the doubts. And I danced my heart out.

The one thing I have learned through starting my business is to be confidant in who I am and the skills I offer. I’m not perfect, not even close. but I’m perfectly willing to go the extra mile for my clients. I’m perfectly willing to pivot when I make a mistake and keep going. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I learned that if you work for the applause of a crowd (or a person who is never satisfied) you will never feel like you are enough.

But when you dance (or work) for yourself, confidant in your worth, no applause is necessary.

–Samantha

AKA “Girl Boss” of Crossroads OC Marketing