A ball whizzed by my nose. I squealed and jumped out of the way protecting the tiny infant in my arms from the rocking Dodge ball game on my neighbor’s lawn.
Holding my neighbor’s baby in the middle of a pint sized ball war wasn’t safe but it sure was fun.
As both our families fought to gain control of the ball and escape the pounding of hard rubber, my daughter Faith mentions how much fun it is to play the “real” game instead of the watered down version she was forced to play in school.
“What game did you play in Jr. High instead of Dodge ball?” my neighbor and good friend asks.
“Evasion ball.” Faith replied.
(My friend and I subtly give each other the WTF look…)
What’s Evasion Ball?
“It’s like Dodge ball but no one gets out. Once you get hit you become a goalie.”
We look at each other in disbelief.
Let’s get this straight.
No one gets out. No one faces the wrath of the ball or the pain of getting picked last. Everyone wins and no one loses.
Now I certainly don’t like adversity or suffering, no one does at the time, but there are certain rites of passage that help us move into maturity and grow up. Mastering the rules of the playground and how to survive helps a child navigate the ups and downs of life.
Who doesn’t remember the thump of the red ball on the face?
Why, why, why are we teaching our kids to “evade” reality?
By taking away the trials and avoiding the struggles we are raising a generation of kids unprepared for the harsh realities of the world. When we remove loss and pain and disappointment from our children’s lives we also remove the ability to cope with loss and pain and disappointment. And when those painful emotions inevitably hit, our kids (overwhelmed and unequipped) turn to drugs and sex and unhealthy self-soothing methods because they can’t process losing and sadness.
As a mom with a senior in high school. One of the recurring themes I hear over and over from colleges is that kids today are not “emotionally prepared” to handle life on their own.
Well-meaning mama’s, you are not doing your kids any favor by doing all their laundry, dishes and chores. Stop paying for their speeding tickets, stop doing their homework, and stop rescuing them when they get in trouble.
Be with them when they get their hearts broken. Don’t call the parent and do an intervention. Take them to a movie and buy them an ice-cream cone and help them process not avoid the pain.
Ground them when they come in late. Have the balls to say “no” occasionally. Also, have the balls to say “yes” even more than “no” and let them screw things up. It’s far better to let them make a few mistakes under your roof than get hauled off to jail later.
I hear the martyr mom’s brag about their devotion and how spoiled their kids are—as if the mama’s who actually train their kid’s to function as future adults don’t love their kids as much as they do. I say baloney!
Have we forgotten the goal is to LAUNCH these kids—not enable them to live on our income or sofa?
So I am raising the gauntlet…
Let’s teach our kids how to rebound and get back up after they get smacked by a ball. Let’s let them suffer a little. (I am not advocating child abuse here, just natural consequences)
Let’s make our kids work for the trophy and for grades and even for relationships. Nothing good ever bloomed from apathy.
A long long time ago in grade school, I got punched by a bully, who then ran away and hid after I smacked him back. It was both traumatic and empowering. Was I scared? Heck yeah! I cried as I fought back, but, he never messed me with again. Maybe he even respected me? Gasp! Thirty-five years later we are friends on Facebook. That’s the dance of life. It’s about confrontation and resolution, not evasion.
Sometimes getting whacked by the ball stings. It hurts our pride and makes us cry. But finding the courage to get back in the game and play says far more about our kid’s character than avoiding the game altogether.
I think Dodge Ball matters. Bamm.
—Samantha
